im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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