Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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