Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
