This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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