honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
