His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
