i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
