Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
