i think my tv is drunk
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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