Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just had sex on a roof
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
