Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
