got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The ass gains better be worth it
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