I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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