you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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