I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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