Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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