Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
