I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
