So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
