i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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