that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
