she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
