He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
