Is it normal to miss your booty call?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
