doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
