two words: eviction party
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
