You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
