VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
