so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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