im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
