My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
