you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
