lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
