yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
