Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
