I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
