i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dignity is for republicans.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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