whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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