She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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