im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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