guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
