I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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