I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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