I can text with my tongue
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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