I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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