You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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