She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
