she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
