Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
