I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
