Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
