THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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