I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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