i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
