she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
