i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
