And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
