my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
